


am i broken? (am i flawed?)

by heavenlyshadows



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JJ (Outer Banks) Deserves Happiness, JJ (Outer Banks) Needs a Hug, JJ is a good dad, Luke Maybank's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlyshadows/pseuds/heavenlyshadows
Summary: Kiara can tell it’s a bad day the second JJ walks through the door because he hurries to lock it behind him and makes a beeline for the living room where she’s sitting with John B and Pope.“Hi,” she says tentatively.“Hey,” his hands are shaking.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron & JJ & Kiara & Pope & John B. Routledge, Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	am i broken? (am i flawed?)

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from the song Broken by Anson Seabra
> 
> Constructive feedback is appreciated. 
> 
> Stay happy and stay safe!

JJ hasn’t lived in Luke Maybank’s house for over ten years, but the scars are still there.

He’s gotten better about asking for help when he needs it, about accepting love and physical affection without flinching away, but there are days when he holds back because he’s afraid the next thing coming is a blow to the face. Days when a raised voice or a car door that’s slammed too hard sends him tail spinning into a panic attack. 

When he first moved in with the Heyward’s, he broke a glass, and the Pogues watched as he scrambled to pick up the shards, terror written in every line of his face. 

“I need you to hear this,” Heyward had said after he finished wrapping JJ’s mangled hands. “I know you’re not perfect. I know you like to cause trouble, and I’m going to pretend for my son’s sake that I didn’t see all the pot at the Chateau,” Pope winced from where he, John B, and Kiara were listening on the other side of the kitchen door. “My point is, you’re a kid. You’re going to do stupid shit, and I may not like it, but I am never, ever going to hit you for it. Ever.” For the first time all afternoon, JJ seemed to relax, and when Heyward pulled him into a sweet, albeit awkward hug, he didn’t pull away.

Kiara can tell it’s a bad day the second JJ walks through the door because he hurries to lock it behind him and makes a beeline for the living room where she’s sitting with John B and Pope.

“Hi,” she says tentatively.

“Hey,” his hands are shaking. A worried look passes between Kiara and the others as he reaches into the playpen where their ten-month-old daughter, Kaia, is chewing on her fist. He’s taking deeps breaths, in and out, in and out. 

“JJ?” John B asks. “Are you ok?” 

JJ’s eyes snap open as if he only just realized there are other people in the room, and he sits next to Kie on the couch, the baby’s head tucked under his chin. She looks content with her face pressed into JJ’s t-shirt. “Yeah, yeah, I just-” another deep breath. “I saw my dad.” 

All the air rushes out of the room.

“What? Where? He didn’t-” 

“No, we just talked.” JJ cuts John B off, running a trembling hand through Kaia’s curls. Aside from her dark hair, she’s the spitting image of JJ, all piercing blue eyes and tanned skin. 

Pope sits forward, so he’s on the edge of the couch. “Are you okay to talk about it?” 

“Yeah.” JJ puts Kaia back in the playpen before sitting next to Kiara, grabbing her hand. He doesn’t wear as many rings as he used to in high school. It’s just two now; his mom’s wedding ring on his right hand and his wedding ring on his left, a gold band identical to Kiara’s.

“I ran into him at the convenience store. He was buying booze, so I guess we know the rehab worked.” His attempt at humor falls flat. “He didn’t get mad when he saw me, just asked me how I’d been and all that shit. I told him about Kiara and the wedding and the baby, and he told me to be careful. He said, ‘You know you’re gonna fuck up that kid like you fuck up everything else,’ and I just-” Kie feels tears on her skin where his head is tucked into her neck. “It’s like I was fucking sixteen again.” 

She remembers how terrified JJ was when they found out she was pregnant. Remembers the exact moment, despite all the progress he made going to therapy and staying sober, the old fears came back. He had that look on his face now, and it reminds her of the hot tub, the anger that welled up inside her after finding out exactly what kind of monster Luke Maybank was, and she hates him all over again. 

Because JJ, despite everything Luke had done to him, was good. He chose to send Luke to a rehab facility instead of prison, even though the Pogues would have liked to see him rot for the rest of his life. He worked two jobs all through high school and the years after, saving and saving until he and John B could finally open their surf shop right between Figure Eight and the Cut. A big fuck you to everyone who ever doubted them. John B taught kids to fish, and JJ taught them to surf. 

He busted his ass for so long, brushing the comments that everyone, including Kiara’s parents, made about him not amounting to anything off to give Kiara and their daughter everything. Their house on the beach, the car in the driveway, this perfect little life they had built for themselves was all because of JJ. 

“JJ,” she murmurs. “You’re ok. It’s going to be ok. Hey, look at me,” she takes his face in her hands, willing him to listen to her. “You are an amazing father. You’re nothing like your dad, and you never will be. I won’t let you.” By then, John B and Pope had crammed onto the couch with them, their arms forming a protective bubble around their best friends.

“You’re ok,” John B says. “We’ve got you, buddy.”

Suddenly, a shriek rips through the room. Kaia is standing up in her playpen, unhappy at being excluded from the group hug. 

“Aw, I didn’t forget about you, baby girl,” JJ stands from the couch and wipes his eyes, heaving her up with a grunt and kissing the top of her head. “I love you so much.” 

“She knows. She loves you too.” Kiara says. 

They all jump when the screen door slams, and Chief, the German Shepard JJ adopted right before Kaia was born, comes thundering into the living room. John B’s daughter Stella and a very pregnant Sarah aren’t far behind him. Sarah stops when she feels the vibe in the room. 

“What’s going on?” 

JJ shakes his head. “It’s nothing; it’s ok.” 

John B raises an eyebrow and leans in to whisper something in Stella’s ear. In the next second, the four-year-old is across the room and crashing into JJ’s legs, her tiny arms around his knees. “I love you, Uncle J.” 

JJ smiles down at her with wet eyes. “Love you to bug.” 

Stella frowns when she realizes she’s the only one hugging JJ. Her hands go to her hips. The way she’s glaring at John B, Kiara doesn’t think she’s ever reminded her more of Sarah. 

“Dad,” she chastises John B. “You said Uncle J needed hugs, so why am I the only one doing it?”

JJ snorts, and the grin that splits his face as he high fives their niece is something Kie thinks she would die to keep on his face forever. 

John B holds his hands up in surrender. “You’re right, you’re right, geez.” He points to Sarah. “That’s your spawn.”

“Mine?” Sarah snorts. “I wasn’t the one smart mouthing cops when we were in high school.” 

John B, left with no comeback, rolls his eyes and thumps JJ on the back in a bro hug, careful not to squish the baby between them. 

“Love you, man.” 

Sarah rushes over, pulling Kiara and Pope with her. “We all love you.” 

“Love you guys too,” JJ says.

Luke Maybank may have been JJ’s blood, but he wasn’t his family. 

The Pogues are his family. Kaia and Kiara are his family, and he’s going to spend the rest of his life proving that he deserves their love. 

Fuck his dad. 

JJ never needed him anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> To make things more clear:
> 
> -Fic is set ten years after season one, so the Pogues are or are around 26
> 
> \- Kie and JJ are married and have a daughter named Kaia (means 'the sea' in Hawaiian) 
> 
> -Sarah and John B have a four-year-old daughter named Stella and another kid on the way


End file.
